You Bury Me
by Smiley612
Summary: Ya'aburnee (n.): the hope that you will die before your love because you cannot live without them. / The doctors decide to pull the plug on Eddie's life, but Patricia's plug is still in the outlet. / Soon enough, she finds herself forgetting his voice, his face, his smile, until all her memories of him are gone.


**A/N: Happy 2014! I know '13 was a rough year for a lot of people, so I hope this one will bring a lot of new chances and great days.**

**I think I've been in this Peddie high because I finished pre-Peddie a long time ago...in my rewatch, I'm on s3 (House of Pi/House of Mistrust) and now I'm on the weird broken-up Peddie, so I kind of need a little bit of it in my life again.**

**I think this came to mind because I was thinking of Titanic (shush, you know that's all I do), and I'd always thought that Nina/Fabian were very similar to Jack/Rose. So then clarksonwriter17 and I were thinking up this weird Anubis-Titanic crossover, and I realized that if (which I am not) I was to write this crossover, I'd have to kill off Nina. **

**I'd lost my love for Fabina when I was rewatching s2 (But wait, when I rewatch s1 again [which WILL happen in the future sometime], I'll literally die for Fabina to get together), so then I was thinking of Peddie, but Peddie is sort of..._unique_. You can't write Peddie fluff, because they don't really fit in that category, meanwhile you could really write Fluff with any other Anubis couple. And then I realized that if Eddie died, leaving Patricia all alone, she'd be fine. She wouldn't really be the "Ya'aburnee" type. And then this popped out of my system.**

**I've been working on this since December 29th, so I do hope you enjoy!**

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**Ya'aburnee** — _Arabic_ — Both morbid and beautiful at once, this incantatory word means "you bury me", a declaration of one's hope that they'll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

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"I'm surprised at how much I've missed you, Weasel."

The same sound that Patricia had heard for three months was heard once again; it was the same exact sound that author's use to describe someone waking up. She never thought she'd hear it, because Patricia was known to brush the pain off, but yet had never been in enough pain to land her here. Evidently, _Eddie_ had.

_Beep._

Patricia's head was lying on Eddie's chest, which was moving up and down with his breathing. She held on to his hand, his freezing hand, because it didn't seem like the hospital had the ability to turn their heat up. She took shaky breaths while Eddie was breathing steadily, the nasal cannula in his nose, his eyes closed. Patricia was looking at the wall, not his face, because all she'd be reminded of was that Eddie couldn't respond to what she was saying.

"Anubis House has been much quieter since the accident," she continued, rubbing his hand softly. Even though it felt like it had been lying in the cold for hours, it felt nice to be touching him. "Then again, it would silent if Jerome and Alfie weren't there, but they haven't really pulled any pranks or anything like that..."

"We've really missed you," Patricia told even, still knowing he couldn't respond or tell her she talked too much. "I snooped in KT's diary," she said, laughing to herself the slightest bit, sniffling, "and she wrote about how weird it is that you're not sitting at the breakfast table anymore."

Patricia heaved a great sigh, squeezing her boyfriend's hand. KT and the others had been in here a few times, to see Eddie, to wish him well, or just be in here for support for Patricia. She certainly needed it these days; it was out of character for her, but once or twice when Trudy would bring her home to Anubis for the night, Joy would hug her and Patricia would just cry into her chest, saying how much she missed Eddie, she wished the drunk driver hadn't been driving on _that_ specific road, wished she could have been in the car with him so she could see Eddie, wherever his mind was. Maybe his _head_ was in heaven, but his body was still here.

"Remember that I was, like, beyond jealous that you two were hanging out?" Patricia asked Eddie, turning around to see his face, even though she _still_ knew he wouldn't open his eyes or laugh at her comment, because Eddie did find her jealousy laughable. Patricia wasn't all that surprised when nothing happened expect for the sound of his breathing, but her heart still sank to the bottom of her chest whenever she gathered up enough strength to look at him. "Yeah...I was stupid back then."

"Nina came back here, too, from America," she announced, as if the news would somehow wake him up. "She came to see if you were alright, because Fabian rang her and told her that, you know...you were in a coma." The word _coma_ had always bothered Patricia. "She was, um, concerned for you, because, you know, you were born to protect her and all that good stuff."

She blinked. "And now you can't protect her. You can't protect _me_."

Then, realizing what she had just said, Patricia defended herself with, "But it's not like I'd need protecting, Weasel, if you heard any of that in the coma you're in."

Patricia had thought of that a lot; if Eddie could hear her, what would he be thinking? She had talked about a lot with him, since he couldn't respond or call her out on her yack, or talk back to her, since that appeared to be all they do. Was he able to hear, and if he was, was he able to think? When Patricia was talking to him, was he able to form his on thoughts on what Patricia was saying?

"None of us have gone home for summer break since you were in that car accident," she told him, lying back down on his chest and stroking his hand again, hoping to anything, everything, that he _could_ hear her, and _could_ form his own thoughts. "It's surprising, really, that such a simple thing like a car accident could bring down the Osirian..."

"I miss you, Eddie," she whispered, mostly to herself. "I do. I never thought I'd miss you. Well, I mean, it's not like _that_, it's just..."

Patricia heaved a great sigh, and a shaky breath was exhaled. She brushed the tears that fell down he cheeks quickly, because if anyone saw that she was crying over this boy, she'd never hear the end of it. Especially if Jerome found out (Good God, if Jerome found out...)

"I don't know," she breathed, cleansing her eyes of any upcoming tears. "You know, I never once imagined...not hearing your very, very distinguishable voice. You haven't called me Yacker in three months..."

Just the thought of that made her want to cry. At first, she hated the nickname, thought it was insulting and goofy and just ridiculous, but after they broke up over the summer, she would've done anything to be called by her nickname again. Of course, they'd gotten back together later in the year, but now he was physically unable to call her Yacker.

"And no one else has called me that, so don't think they have," she defended, being strong by turning around and looking at his face, his eyes closed, the cannula in his nose, his hands at his sides under the blanket. "I guess...I guess I'm sort of like Percy Jackson in that sense. I won't let anyone but Annabeth call me Seaweed Brain.

"God, I really...I really miss you," she admitted, smiling sadly. Patricia didn't say anything else; as she looked at her boyfriend's face, his sleeping face that hadn't awoken in three months, and with the feel of his ice-cold hand, it made her want to cry into Joy's shirt again. She couldn't take it, because Eddie was one of the three people that she'd definitely, without a thought, take a bullet for; the other two were Piper and Joy. And then, three months ago, she wasn't able to take the bullet for Eddie. She wasn't in that car with him. She wasn't driving with him. She didn't know, when he'd kissed her farewell, that it would be the last kiss they'd share together, or that "See you soon" would be the last words he'd utter to her.

Patricia missed Eddie, she admitted that to herself, at least.

"And I don't do crying," she told him, as she brushed a few - well, a lot - of tears away with her hand. They came slowly at first, but whenever she thought about crying, she also thought about the fact that she was the one who had received the phone call that said Eddie Miller had been in a car accident. Patricia thought about how she was the first one in the hospital room, how he was hooked up to a thousand and one wires, and this weird breathing tube thing was attached to his mouth and neck. She thought about how she continually tried to wake him up, but then the doctors came in hours later and told her that Eddie was in a coma.

And by the time she relived all that in her memory, she was bawling like one was watching the scene where Marley gets put down in Marley & Me, or when Noah and Ally die together in The Notebook, or the montage as Nearer My God to Thee plays and _everyone f'ing_ dies in Titanic. Patricia had never been one to cry in sad movies; she'd always been telling herself that they're fictional, they're not worth your time to cry over.

It was when Joy first went missing that she allowed herself to get emotional over anything that made her emotional. She wasn't exactly sure why; Patricia thought it was because Joy's disappearance was sudden, and she couldn't imagine losing her best friend forever because Sweetie called her to his office.

"You should feel honored, Eddie, that I'm crying over you," she joked, laughing to relieve her pain. It didn't really work. Eddie wasn't awake and he wasn't there to laugh at her at how she can't make a joke.

"Ugh, you're such an idiot." She wiped her eyes clear of any upcoming tears, just like before.

And he was an idiot. He was an idiot who wouldn't wake up. He was an idiot that was probably hearing all this, and forming his own thoughts, and those thoughts would be something like _Yacker, will you ever stop talking?_ and he would laugh at his own joke and smirk at how 'funny' he was, the same smirk that made Patricia fall for him.

Eddie was an idiot who kissed Patricia goodbye before he drove to get Trudy some ingredients for supper, but was so late that Trudy had to (and rather grudgingly, if she did say so herself), go and get the ingredients herself. And she told the other residents that she took so long because she passed an accident, but when Patricia heard that, she didn't know that her boyfriend was the person in that accident. She didn't know until the House phone rang and Trudy's hands were dirty, so she asked Patricia to pick up at the phone, and that blunt voice said, "Hello, does Eddie Miller live here? Yes, he died a few hours ago. I'm so sorry for your loss." And the line went dead, as if he didn't care that Eddie was special to some of them.

He was _such_ an idiot.

"The doctors said that..." Patricia, who was back to lying down on Eddie's chest, muttered. Her voice was hoarse and scratchy from all the crying she had done in the past few minutes. "That people in comas could sometimes hear their surroundings."

If Eddie _could_ hear, he'd be groaning right now. Patricia had told him this many, _many_ times before. "And I've talked about a ton of things that have been going on.

"Do you remember that time I told you about, the year before you came to this school, the year Joy went missing, how Jerome was trying to hit on this girl in French but ended up saying the wrong thing so the girl slapped him across the face? None of us, to this day, know what he said to make her that angry. It's funny, actually."

(It was one of the only things in three months to make her smile.)

"Or, like, how Sibuna, even including Nina and Amber, were sitting in the common room and discussing everything that had happened to us in the past three years, while Alfie took a shower. I think we were talking about the Mask of Anubis when Alfie suddenly just started SCREAMING the song "Baby Got Back", like we couldn't hear him in there. And the whole common room exploded with laughter. That was the happiest I had been since...you know, you went into this vegetable state."

(She wasn't lying.)

"I'm surprised you haven't opened your eyes yet," Patricia murmured, stroking Eddie's fingers, staring at the wall again. For all she knew, his eyes _could_ have been open and she wouldn't have known. "The doctors said that sometimes comatose patients open their eyes.

"Maybe you have," she continued softly, taking a deep breath, "but it's just been whenever I'm not here. Your eyes were this shade of hazel..." Patricia began to drift off, thinking about his eyes; they weren't anything special, nor were they any uncommon or beautiful color, but they were always kind and sweet and had good intentions. She missed seeing the love in them whenever Patricia messed something up, however much she hated it, because he wasn't there to have that love in his eyes anymore.

"...They could have been green," she continued, drifting off into space, "but they definitely weren't brown. You took after your mum there, Eddie. I never really got to know your mum," Patricia stated, biting down on her bottom lip. "I talked to her a lot during the two-week period I was in America with you, but we never really got to know each other. I mostly talked to Jake, Bianca, and Kate."

Jake, Bianca, and Kate were Eddie's half-siblings; he didn't have any full siblings like Patricia or Jerome had, because his mum and dad split at such a young age. Eddie wasn't all that close to his siblings because they were his step-father's children, and he and his step-father didn't get along so well. It his step-father's idea to not fly over to England to visit his stepson in the hospital, even though his mother wanted to, because they both had to work and he was "convinced that Eddie would get better".

"And your mum hasn't been flown in from America like Nina and Amber have," Patricia told Eddie, just in case he was listening and was wondering why his mother and half-siblings hadn't visited him yet or talked to him. "I don't know if she cares or not, but if you're wondering, than Sweetie has visited you almost as much as I have."

"It's not like I visit you a lot!" She defended herself yet again, but if Eddie wasn't in the coma and was just at bed rest, he'd be calming Patricia's nerves and would tell her to lay down with him so they could laugh over how Jerome tried, but failed, to flirt with the hot nurse and Joy caught him and slapped him just as hard as the girl he talked to in French.

The heavy _whirrrr_ of the machine to his right continued, and Eddie's eyes remained closed. Patricia took in a shaky breath.

"I mean, I visit whenever I can" — if Alfie was here, he'd make some wise comment about how "whenever I can" means "every day", but luckily she was alone (or as alone as she could be with Trudy and some of the others in the cafeteria) — "and I've been squishing in a lot of visits recently, because the doctors want to pull you off life support. And I'm okay with that."

Patricia blinked hard, fighting tears. There was a day, back in July, that they warned Patricia of Eddie's decreasing health and told her that he might not make it through the night. Trudy had decided that it would be better for Patricia to come home to Anubis with them instead of staying there overnight, because if she was there when/if he died, who knows what would have happened to her.

(The fact that they were on the fourteenth floor of the hospital truly scared Trudy, too.)

That night, everyone in the House was kind to her, which Patricia didn't appreciate at all. Because Nina and Amber had been flown in from the states, both girls were sharing the attic, as it had been converted into a spare room for Vera when she came to be Anubis's housemother. Nina loved being back in the attic, but Amber, no matter how much she had been up there in her first year of Sibuna, disliked all the cobwebs and spiders. Patricia and KT were in Nina and Amber's old room and Mara, Willow, and Joy were in the other.

However, because of the news that Eddie might not make it through the night, Patricia was up for hours upon hours, unable to fall asleep. If she was asleep while Eddie was dying, she'd never forgive herself. It must have been 1 AM that she finally fell asleep, only to have a nightmare about him dying, waking her up by screaming.

Trudy knew that Patricia was troubled because of Eddie, so she didn't protest when Fabian offered to take her down to his room and let her sleep in Eddie's bed. It was something she told no one, other than KT, and that was only because they shared a room and she'd see if Patricia wasn't in her bed. So, since July, Patricia had been sleeping in Eddie's bed night after night, drinking in his scent that had been replaced with that nasty hospital stench that invaded her nose whenever she walked into Eddie's hospital room, 3357.

"I mean, I wasn't okay with it at first," Patricia began, "but you haven't shown any signs of recovering or waking up, and you've been in this coma for three months now."

(Three months of looking at his still face.)

"And, after crying myself to sleep on several occasions — yeah, I actually did that, thank you very much — I came to terms with it. I realized that it was...the better choice."

(She couldn't imagine her life if they kept him on life support any longer.)

"I shed my tears. And I learned to cope. I realized it was for the better. You'll...you'll be in the afterlife." Patricia sucked in a deep breath, biting down on her lip. "You won't be suffering here anymore, listening to my stupid whiny British yack all day long while you can't even open your eyes or squeeze my hand to show me that you have any brain cells left in there.

"I'll...I'll join you in the afterlife whenever I have the chance," she promised. "I promise. Whenever I die...I'll go back to you. I figure that's where I belong, anyway. With you." Patricia shrugged, even though he couldn't see her.

"I haven't cried that much over anyone else." Patricia's voice was small, because her voice was getting scratchier as she spoke. She wasn't crying, but she brushed some tears away anyway. "Not even when my father died! I've cried more over you being in a coma than when my father actually passed away."

(She figures it's because her father was _actually_ dead, and Eddie was in limbo.)

"Wow, I'm ridiculous. I need to stop. And I've been lying down on your chest the whole time. Like wow, am I pathetic or what?"

With her head back on his chest, she softly moved her hand in a circle. "I can feel your heart beating," she whispered, closing her eyes, listening to the rhythm. "It obviously means you're still alive. Come _on_, Weasel, show those doctors you don't have to be taken off life support. Wake up. There's a boat. You're still alive, I can feel your heart pounding, come—"

"Patricia?"

She gasped, turning around so quickly she was surprised her head didn't detach. Patricia knew it was hopeless, but every time her name was called, she had this tiny little hope in the back of her brain that Eddie had just suddenly woken up and asked for his girlfriend because the last time he died he—

But, no. Joy was in the doorway, an expression of sadness on her face when she saw Eddie hooked up to all those tubes, the respirator breathing for him.

(The doctors told Patricia that Eddie _could_ form sentenced thoughts, so because he couldn't feel himself breathing [as the respirator was doing that for him], he must have been terrified in his slumber, in his dreams.)

"Come on, Trixie," Joy spoke to her best friend, as Jerome came out from behind her and grabbed her hand. "Trudy said it's time for us to back home."

(Patricia really, really wanted Eddie to hold her hand back.)

Unfortunately, they weren't the only people to come back. Alfie and Willow were behind Joy and Jerome, Alfie's arm around Willow's shoulders. Mara and Fabian came up next, and of course Fabian was holding his new signed copy of The Solar System is Your Friend under his arm that Mara had gotten him for his birthday in August.

They were all couples with boyfriends who were _awake_. Boyfriends who could talk, and open their eyes, and smile, and squeeze their girlfriend's hands, and just be _alive_. Patricia _despised_ them.

Afterwards, two girls came up from behind all the couples: Nina and Amber, two of the original three Sibunas who departed Liverpool for the states.

Nina's boyfriend, even though she told him to move on in the letter, had found himself a new girlfriend, one that treated him better than she did. (And Nina knew that, but Patricia remembered Nina telling her after they found the Mask of Anubis that she was going to try harder to treat Fabian better, because she was being a rotten person by treating him like dirt. 'She was just scared for her life and the the life of her friends' she told Patricia. And she could understand that.)

Amber's boyfriend, whom she'd gone through so much with, found someone who was a better match for him than the blonde, pink-loving, germ-a-phob Amber Millington. But just when she learned to appreciate Alfie for his bravery and how he wasn't just bad grades and pranks, she'd gotten trapped in the gatehouse. And just like Nina, she left her boyfriend to let him discover what she had done for him.

They understood. They didn't have boyfriends anymore. Maybe they weren't in a coma, but they'd lost someone all the same. They understood more than Joy, or Mara, or Willow could. Patricia pushed her hair back behind her neck, tried to hold it back, but eventually just collapsed and ran up to the _original_ Sibuna girls. The three of them hugged, Amber and Nina knowing that telling her to stop crying would be a bad idea, so they just held her close as no tears came and said that Eddie would be alright.

But he wouldn't. And Patricia knew that.

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_he's like my nemesis._

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Two weeks later, Patricia was still in the same spot.

She stalled the doctors in pulling his plug, because the night after she cried to Amber and Nina, she realized that she didn't want to lose him. Unfortunately, the doctors _knew_ he wasn't improving, and they didn't want to keep someone alive who's body didn't want to be.

She spent his last night with him on September 22nd, 2013, the third anniversary of when Joy went missing and the _real_ Chosen One stepped through the door of Anubis House. Patricia was calm, collected, and didn't shed a tear until a few people with white coats entered Eddie's hospital room. They spoke her name once and Patricia knew, so when she locked eyes with them all she did was exhale.

She didn't ask for a goodbye. She didn't want to embarrass herself in front of these adults. So Patricia leaned down, kissed Eddie's forehead and as a final goodbye, whispered, "I love you, Weasel. Always did and always will", and stepped back, the lump in her throat real.

She looked over her boyfriend, the man who hadn't spoken in three months. The respirator was taped into his mouth, the large white plastic tube extending from his body to the machine. The steady beep of the heart monitor was still sounding. The car crash with him in it broke his legs and one of his arms, so they were in casts even though he was never to use them again. His neck was in a blue and yellow brace, and every wire that had been attached to his chest was still there.

She swallowed the lump in her throat down as the doctors surrounded the poor teenager in the coma, the man who hadn't yet turned 18 (He would turn 18 in November, if he made it to November.)

Joy ran in with Trudy as soon as Patricia's back hit the door frame. Eddie didn't make a sound, but the respirator being ripped off of his face did. The steady whirr was gone and Eddie was no longer breathing.

Patricia whimpered as Joy held her close. She tried to get Patricia to hide her head in Joy's sweater, but even though it would hurt her, she wanted to watch Eddie in his last moments. As he couldn't breathe by himself and the respirator wasn't taped to his mouth anymore, the heart monitor tune grew slower...slower...until...

It stopped completely.

Even though he wasn't there in the first place, now he was really gone. Patricia always knew there was little chance he could survive, but if Eddie and KT could save the entire school from being taken over by Frombie, then she almost believed he could come back. That his kind hazel eyes could meet with hers once more, and they could try that "Long Distance" thing that they had been talking about for weeks as they were soon to depart for college before the actual accident back in June.

She cried, but it was the only time in her life that Patricia Williamson would cry over the death of Edison Carl Miller. It wasn't even that heavy; only a few tears had leaked out onto her cheeks, but she'd wiped them off as soon as they fell. She shook with the discomfort as the doctors and nurses covered Eddie's body with blankets and pushed Trudy, Joy, and Patricia out of the room.

"He's gone," Patricia muttered, and Trudy rubbed her arm in comfort, but Patricia's heart wasn't with Trudy. "He's really...gone..."

Eddie Miller was _gone_. After hearing voices on the night before the closing of the library, running there to save Sibuna from Senkhara's wrath, after dealing with Patricia's bullshit for two straight years, including their Senior year when all she'd talk about was the time he spent with KT, after sacrificing his life to save everyone from the Touchstone and actually dying, a dumb _car crash_ killed Eddie Miller.

He stood Patricia up when she tried to confess her feelings for him back before they finished school, but now, he couldn't come back.

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_memory is a way of holding on to the things you love;_

_the things you are;_

_the things you never want to lose._

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How ironic it was to meet someone new at a place to say goodbye.

Liverpool was known for bad weather, but the day of Eddie's wake, October 17th, 2013, the sun was out. There were clouds, but none of them covered the sun, which shone down on the funeral home quite brightly.

Everyone was at Eddie's wake; Mick had been flown in from Australia for a few days, just to see Mara, Fabian, and the others as they put Eddie to rest in the ground. The twelve Anubis residents who had known Eddie were all seated in one row; in order, sat Mick, Mara, Fabian, Nina, Amber, Alfie, Willow, Jerome, Joy, Patricia, and KT. Trudy, Mr. Sweet, and Eddie's mom (Who had finally been flown in from America once news of her son's death had reached her), sat in the aisle right behind the Anubis students.

His funeral would be held in a week, but Mick, Nina, and Amber wouldn't be able to make it. Mick had to return to Australia, Amber had to go back to her fashion college, and Nina would be starting the college of her own as soon as she returned to the same state Amber resided in, New York. The two girls would share an apartment together after the school year ended.

"Patricia?" KT tapped Patricia's shoulder softly, and her red hair flew around her face as she viewed her friend to her right. "Are we going to go up to say some words for Eddie?"

"Yeah," Patricia spoke calmly, nodding slightly. She sucked in a deep breath before pushing herself out of her seat, grabbing Joy's hands tightly and dragging her best friend along with her, not caring that Patricia was taking Joy from her conversation with Jerome. She couldn't go up, and kneel in front of Eddie's dead body without her best friend at her side. She was close to KT, but she _needed_ Joy with her.

"Okay," KT sighed, smiling quite sadly as Eddie's body stood, completely motionless, his eyes closed and his hands folded over his stomach. His body was there, but his soul was in Heaven (or Hell, but Patricia doubted that such a kind, warm-hearted person could make it to Hell). "So, Eddie. I know we only knew each other for a short amount of time, but you accepted me when I first moved in to Anubis House. It's not like the others didn't accept me, but I think Patricia here was missing her _old_ American female friend, plus with the fact that she broke up with you, I mean I could kind of understand why she was so bitter to me because so many things had just been taken away from her so suddenly and—"

"KT," Joy scolded softly, slapping KT's arm lightly. "Patricia doesn't need reminding."

But Patricia was _fine_. She didn't feel like she was going to cry because of what happened in the beginning of her Senior year. She stared at her dead boyfriend's body, breathing out, not caring that breathing was one thing Eddie wouldn't be doing in the future.

"Sorry," KT apologized, turning back to Eddie's body. Joy grabbed Patricia's hand and squeezed it as KT continued, "So, anyway, you were really kind to me. I didn't want to believe that Anubis House stored evil in it at first, but you were so calm about it, it was actually kind of...heroic, almost. I actually didn't believe you were the 'Osirian', until Patricia told me so," KT laughed, but soon realized that she was laughing at a wake, something that shouldn't be happy at all.

"I'll miss you, Eddie," she finalized, moving away. "I'll never forget the adventure we shared."

Patricia told Joy to say her words first, and knowing the internal pain her friend must have been experiencing, Joy nodded. "I didn't know you very well, Eddie, and I know that I should have gotten to know you better while you were still alive, but alas, my best friend did that for me. You meant a lot to her, and from the _many_ times she talked about you, I could tell you were a good person. You'll be missed.

"Patricia, will you be okay?" Joy asked, after turning the other way to face her best friend, who was still kneeling in front of Eddie's casket, staring at him. Patricia nodded to show she was listening, even though she wanted to beg for Joy to stay, but if it came down to it she'd rather say her final words to him alone.

Alone she sat once Joy had moved back to her seat. "Okay," she scolded herself, folding her hands in front of Eddie's casket, talking to him, if he could even hear her. "Listen to me, Slimeball. Just this once. You meant a lot to me. I mean, you _were_ my first kiss, but you'll always be more than just that to me. You opened me up..." she began to admit, rubbing her temples to soothe the oncoming headache. The constant chatter of the crowd annoyed the living crap out of her. "You let me be emotional while before I never really let myself be that. I never expressed my emotions well unless it _really_ hit me hard and I could do _nothing_ but cry, even if it did make me emotional in the first place. The only time I cried in my 10th grade year was when no one believed me when I said Joy may be dead.

"I don't know if Sibuna told you about our adventures in the tunnels, but when we made it to the Senet board, Fabian accidentally made a wrong move and sent Nina down a pitfall. If that had happened in the year before that, in 10th grade, I don't think I would've cried. I wouldn't let myself get emotional over that when I was 15, because it was before _you_ came. But as you were there, and you showed me that it was okay to express emotions around people. I cried when she went down that pitfall because...because I had lost a friend. And I _hate_ it when I lose friends because of the dumb Robert Frobisher-Smythe and all the stupid actions he did when he was actually alive in the early 20th century."

She exhaled loudly, rubbing her temples again. It felt strange to be talking to a dead man...especially a dead man who had previously meant so much to her.

Patricia brushed her hair behind her ears to glimpse Eddie one last time, even though he wasn't actually in that body. For all Patricia knew, his spirit or soul could have been resting in the room where his wake was being held; he could've been hovering over Patricia's kneeling body, unable to reach out to her or tell her that he hopes she'll be okay.

When she thought of that, Patricia swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke again. "I know you wouldn't want me to break down and cry or anything. And let's say, in, like, five years, you decided in that stupid brain of yours after five years of eternal rest that 'hmm, I'm going to check up on Patricia Williamson today, just to see what she's doing with her life', and find out I'm holding your picture to my chest and sobbing my eyes out, because then you'll want to come back down to Earth just to slap some sense into me."

She breathed through her nose, brushing some hair out of her eyes. This may be the last time she'd see the man who gave her her first kiss up close, because in a few days, they'd be laying him in the ground. "I think...I think I'll be okay," she told him, biting the bottom of her lip to keep herself from crying. She knew it was okay to cry, but she didn't want Eddie to see, wherever he might be, that even after three months of him being comatose, after three months of not hearing his voice on anything but a recording, taken by Sweetie soon after they arrived back at school for the Senior year.

She wasn't sappy like Gabriella. She didn't have a photograph of them together on her nightstand. But she did have a yearbook, and that was the only recent photograph she had of him. She had one yearbook photo, one recording, and only memories of his smile, his warm eyes, his laugh whenever he made someone do something repulsive like eat four buckets of creamed carrots for a hundred bucks.

He existed now, only in her memories. Patricia spent another good minute sighing, holding her hands, not daring to hold Eddie's hand in fear of how cold, how lifeless it would be.

"Goodbye, Eddie," she breathed, leaning down, fighting back tears. "I won't forget you. I won't think about you every day, of course, but you'll always...you'll always be with me. I was your last love, of course," she joked, smiling, but soon frowned when she remembered where she was. "I love you, Slimeball," was her final goodbye, "I hope you made it to Heaven."

She exhaled loudly, pushing herself off the stool. Patricia didn't dare look back, because if she glimpsed him again, she'd be tempted to kneel down again and just talk to him, talk to him until she died with him and met him in the afterlife. But she knew he'd be disappointed, because she was much stronger than giving in to temptation, to kill herself over her first love's death. Patricia wasn't sure if she believed in an afterlife or soulmates, nor did she know if Eddie was her soulmate, because she had her whole life in front of her, her whole life to live, without Eddie.

So she continued to walk back to the aisle until she bumped into a guy her age and spilt his pink smoothie all over his jeans.

"Oh!" He groaned, and Patricia didn't even apologize. _He_ was in _her_ way. The man muttered to himself as he cleaned his pants, brushing the smoothie off his jeans without a napkin, his hands getting wet from all the liquid and frozen juice. "You know, dude, you could apologize."

"Sorry," she apologized quickly, realizing that the smoothie all over his jeans was just as much of her fault as it was his. "Do you need any help?" She asked through her teeth, still choking back tears, the lump in her throat returning.

"No, no, it's fine," he continued to brush the smoothie off, muttering something that sounded like _I'm just lucky this didn't get on the carpet_. Patricia exhaled slowly, considering passing him to go back to the aisle, but the man finally removed the smoothie from his pants and held a hand out for her to shake. "I'm Nick," he introduced himself. "Did you...did you know Eddie personally?"

"Yeah," she answered immediately, her voice soft and low as she bounced on her heels. Every person here was wearing something nice, as it _was_ a wake, after all. Patricia swore to herself that she'd never wear high heels, even at her own wedding, and at the wake she wore a nice pair of black flats that she swore she'd never wore at any other occasion other than now. She'd never have any use for them. "Yeah, I did. He was kind of...kind of special to me. Kind of." The last one was a joke, but Nick started to tell his own story.

"I didn't really know him," he shrugged, looking rather guilty. "I mean, I knew him when I was really young, and I'm talking like Kindergarten young. Would you, um, want to go out for coffee sometime? To talk about him."

She almost yelled at him. Who did he think he was, asking her out just when she had lost someone this important to her? She almost lost him once, when Sibuna was battling for the Touchstone, but luckily it only killed the Osirian inside of him. Now, he was really gone, thanks to a car crash and an intoxicated driver. "Look, Nick, I'm _really_ not looking for a romantic relationship right now—"

"No, no, no," he defended himself with one hand, as the last half of his smoothie was still in his other one. "No romantics whatsoever. Just to...to talk about Eddie. Talking can help, you know? You can tell me what he was like, while you get some things off your chest. You feel up to it?" Patricia shrugged, but he gave her his number anyway, to think about it.

And when she got home, finally home in her normal house with her sister and her dog, not Anubis House, she cried.

She cried over Eddie. She cried over the fact that when he had kissed her goodbye, told her, "See you soon", she didn't know that was the last words he'd ever speak to her. She didn't know that the kiss he planted on her lips would be the last one they'd shared together. She cried over the fact that she had lost someone so important to her, that she could near see his face in person, or hear his voice in person, or see him smile or laugh or talk about his life in America once she finally got him to open up to it after they kissed for the first time.

She cried for the first and last time, wanting to go back and experience it all again. Their story was over, he was dead, and there was no going back now. She'd have to find someone new, which she was sure she would, and she'd have to rewrite her love story after experiencing one she only thought were in TV shows and movies. She created a new definition of love/hate. Patricia wasn't sure what her new love story would be like, but she hoped it would be just as exciting.

And she cried, because now all Patricia had left of him were memories. No words, no photographs or recordings of her own, only memories of his face and laugh and smile and Eddie's entire existence. She cried because she had nothing left of him. Not anymore.

* * *

**A/N: This is my current WIP, so expect the next chapter (Yes, there will be a next chapter, as this is a two-shot, no more no less), soon. Don't Be Afraid chapter 47 is...getting there, and Lost & Found chapter 28 is just started but I'm like super duper excited to write that one because they're actually canon now. Peddie can't be canon in this two-shot anymore, because he's dead, but Patricia will never let go.**

**Seriously, though. I'd love to hear what you guys thought! Care to grace this story with your presence, tell me if it was too OOC, and what you think will happen to Patricia, because the next chapter focuses on her and how she forgets everything about the man who gave her her first kiss. The next chapter, the final one, will be up soon, I swear.**


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